No. It�s not true. It�s inconsequential.
What have I learned in the past week? Mainly that I feel entirely ambivalent about Chicago, as if maybe the time for Chicago has come and gone and that I�m not really interested anymore. I think I flirted with and dreamed of Chicago far too long, that I should�ve made my move before we grew apart. Now neither of us is willing to reach out far enough to ensnare the other; instead, we circled each other warily for 4 days.
I can�t say I didn�t like waking to the bustle of the city, to the sight of the Sears Tower looming large as I opened my eyes. I loved it most at sunrise and sunset at the apartment, when the city had a quiet glow and stretched out to the south and west as far as I could see. It seemed so full of potential. But this is pretty, meaningless fluff.
Maybe I simply had too much time to think in those free days. Maybe this feeling has more to do with the usual springtime introspective funk.
Bah. Bah.
We did have fun. The party at Trotter�s Inn was ridiculously delightful; drinks were cheap and easy, it felt more like a small-town bar than most of the bars here. Not only did we view the Oscars, but Coach and I had to scramble to abandon our table when a fistfight broke out. And of course the evening ended at La Pasadita for sustenance. All in all, a fine ol� time with fun folk. Monday and Tuesday led to such delights as fetish shops in Boystown, the MCA (I�ve made my peace�thank god I don�t work there), and shopping on Michigan Ave.
I�d love to tell you all about the Robbie Fulks show Tuesday night, but that�s another entry in itself. In short, it was divine. It was a night full of PBR, silly songs and tales about Robbie, and amazing music. A ridiculous combination of genres that worked perfectly. We were so giddy at seeing the Heatersons back together for the night, but Buddy Miller was the star. Sigh.
In the end, I feel confident I could live there and deal with the trains and the cabs. I know where I want to go and how to get there. I now know more people who would kindly take me under their wings and drink with me.
But as ewenorker and I discussed, maybe what we�ve learned in our recent city trips is that we�re now equipped to be truly appreciative visitors of cities. Maybe it�s okay to live here and yet to be able to feel comfortable in the city. Maybe it�s enough to visit a few times a year, to hit our favorite museums and shops, to get some really nice Indian food and to catch some good shows, and to then go back home, where there is space and quiet.
Yesterday I ended up hiking in the woods with old pals. The trillium and bluebells were starting to bloom in the woods, along with vinca and a hint of Dutchman�s breeches. I wore my hair straight, wore my glasses and eschewed makeup for the entire weekend for the first time in as long as I remember. I spent hours in the woodshop. Is this to be given up?
In the end, I think what�s needed right now is a sense of moving forward and an absence of queasiness at facing the day.
It's spring that hurts, not 27.