We have scarcely an inch on the ground, but already the interstate median�s littered with cars. The roads didn�t seem slick, but when someone up ahead slammed on his brakes (notice how I didn�t allow you to assume the errant driver was a woman, eh?), the chain reaction started. We�d already slowed down and moved to the passing lane to accommodate the long line of cars merging onto the highway, so traffic was thick. I had no choice but to slam on the brakes, which sent the little silver wonder sliding this way and that way, reeling like a drunken, um, me. In those infinitely long seconds, I had sense enough to realize I should let up on the brake and gently encourage her to avoid that, oh no! Right in front of me! Suburban hitting Town Car! Somehow we made it. I eased my stalled car over to the side of the road, wondering if I was to stop and serve as witness, but I assure you that though it seemed to take 5 minutes to get through the ordeal, I have no idea what happened. I was more worried about not hitting the cars beside and behind me, as the ones ahead of me bounced into the median. So I started started up and pressed on. After all, nobody seemed injured, and there was already an officer 20 feet up the road.

The local streets are dreadful.

Then, as I hauled everything in from the car, the strap on my briefcase broke. Irreparably.

I don�t want to go anywhere today. I don�t want to do anything. Will you come pick me up? At least bring me something to eat for lunch?

So it�s not looking good for the happy hour tonight, nor for the weekend trip to the greater Carbondale area, which is supposed to be receiving much more snow today than we will. That�s disappointing, too.

Throw me a bone, please.

But not this debate about affirmative action that�s erupted from me trying to make the point that maybe that dippy president�s time would be better served thinking about this war he seems intent upon dragging us into, as opposed to admission standards at Michigan, because again, he�s dumbing down the issue, alleging that students are admitted �based solely on race.� That�s utter crap. It�s a strange day indeed when I find myself on the side of Jesse Jackson, but I agree, it�s a painful thing to hear our president say. And Ari Fleischer�s hedging on Bush�s definition of �fair,� considering how his dad�s status as a Yale alum helped him was classic.

Just don�t cross me today. I am a raving lunatic.

I intend to rant, as well. Today I will be your fiery redhead friend. I will. And authors will not push me around whose rude words I�d decided to let slide. Nope, too bad for them, because I intend to stand my ground. I will be respected. I am a high-powered publishing professional.