Stupid Great Winter Cold of �02-�03, I hate you.
Ever the optimist, I was certain yesterday that I was on the upswing, so I had quite a few cups of Christmas cheer at the noontide holiday party. (Have we adequately discussed the virtues of real eggnog? Friends, you must stop with that thick, horridly rich fake stuff you find in the dairy case at your local grocer. Whip up your own frothy treat and toss in all the rum you can handle, plus a swig more.) I followed that with several liberal splashes of wine, working myself into a lovely loose-tongued state, which proved perfect for telling tales of all sorts.
We at the bad kids� table came up with a brilliant moneymaking scheme: kitty Outward Bound. It�s perfect for your troubled, spoiled cat. We take them out of their safe and comfy homes and force them to survive in the great outdoors in order to learn the values of teamwork, self-reliance, spiritual awakening, and looking both ways before crossing the road.
Pants should thank his lucky kitty stars I invested significant amounts of money in his repair in recent months. He�s now too valuable for me to do anything but put him on a shelf and polish him quarterly.
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In other moneymaking news, I think I�m ready to take this life coach job to the big league. Yeah, I dunno what that means, save that I seem to be giving pretty good training tips and advice of late. My clients are satisfied. Two of them have had job offers this week. Or will have, though part of that might be a secret.
I seem ridiculously wise when advising others, but I still can�t decide which pair of black underwear to put on in the morning. Unless there�s only one pair clean.
If anyone out there feels they do the same, maybe we could arrange some sort of mutually beneficial advice swap. I could call you whenever you need a snap decision, and you could do the same to me.
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Sushi-making holiday/housewarming/hey-we-got-married party tonight. If I can last that long.
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Several items:
1. I hate to be the one to break the news, but the Guns N� Roses tour is over.
2. Cardinal Law in Boston has finally resigned. Or he was allowed to resign.
3. My stuffed head can�t tell the difference between �Austin� and �Boston.� Until this passes, I�ve requested a court reporter to provide a written transcript of all conversations I have during the day. Should I say anything stupid or inappropriate, my assistant will write a letter of apology or explanation.
4. Bush announced a very modest increase in fuel-efficiency standards for SUVs, which will be instituted over the course of 3 years. Gee, I feel better. I guess that makes up for him wanting to increase logging, to open oil lines in Alaska, and to allow more snowmobiles into the national parks.
5. When interviewing for a job, keep to the subject of the question. Do not launch into a story of how you�re in a band and how one time there was a woman in the audience who had a seizure at your show. For the love of god, don�t do it.