flashingreds...
my palace at 4 am
(2002-10-27, 5:32 p.m.)
No decision has been made. Yesterday I was leaning toward yes, but today I�m leaning toward no.

Going to Chicago Friday night didn�t help. I was desperately hoping I�d have a gut reaction, some sort of feeling. It was nice to be there, nice to eat at one of my favorite restaurants and to go to the Kelly Willis show at the Old Town School of Folk Music. I was delighted that I was always able to figure out what direction I was headed, which has been an issue in the past. J. seemed confident and pleased of my knowledge of the area. But it was also hard to be there, thinking that every other guy looked like the one I didn�t want to run into. Lots of queasiness. I assume that'd change if I lived there, but if I lived there, the meeting would be inevitable, given the mutual interests.

So basically we�re here. I want the job, but I don�t want it in Upscale Suburb. I don�t want an hour plus commute each way. I'm nervous of living in his city. But most of all, I don�t want to live in the suburbs, so there�s no way around it. And there aren�t as many apartments available in my price range in locations I think I want to live as there were even a month ago.

So I�m going to sit down with the calculator in a few minutes. I�d better hurry. I need to get cleaned up before the Wilco show. My clean jeans were quickly covered with mud from going to the Allerton Trail Run, then covered in, well, goo from stripping my cupboard. In happy news, the entire front of the bottom piece is oak, so all of this stripping shouldn�t be in vain--I should be able to stain it, rather than repainting in a less offensive color.

The antique walnut dresser I picked up at a half off sale at a favorite antique shop yesterday has also been hauled up the stairs.

But I should add one more bit of confusion--the downstairs neighbor has gone into the nursing home, so I�m alone in the house. Which means I�ll have to start paying electric bills for this huge old house. Probably not all of it, but expenses will increase, and it hasn�t been determined what will happen to the house should he not make it much longer. It�s a sad thing for the family, but I worry for that future.

Not enough to feel undaunted by a move to the city at this time of year, considering the state of my financial affairs.

Sigh.

Off to Wilco. If it�s half as lovely as the Bottle Rockets show last night, I�ll have a blast. The hip and tummy muscles are sore from my wacky dancing, which happened in spite of me only drinking ginger ale. More later.