I went to my first major league baseball game yesterday, not at Wrigley, where I was supposed to be last weekend, but at Busch Stadium for the final game of the Cubs-Cards series this weekend. Let me just take a moment to point out that I know absolutely nothing about baseball. My dad wasn�t one of those sports fellows, and as far as I could tell in brief glimpses of games on TV, nothing much really happened. (It seems to me there�s a very good reason for the condensed game versions available online.

What I Learned At the Game

1. It�s okay to be late.

2. It�s important to buy beer before getting to your seat, so you can have a draft and not a can. When you�re drinking cheap beer, every little bit helps.

3. The field looks much smaller in person.

4. You should watch a little bit of the game, lest your jealous family and friends inquire about the score.

5. There are 9 innings. Wait, I think that�s right. Well, I do know you can�t buy beer after the 7th inning.

6. If it�s clearly going to be a blowout, they still have to play all of the innings.

7. There seem to be unexplained pauses now and then, which I attribute to commercial breaks.

8. The game seems to go much faster when you�re walking about and socializing.

9. There is no halftime.

10. I learned how to figure out the smattering of numbers on the scoreboard.

11. You can leave the game early and watch the rest of it from a nearby bar.

I didn�t really root for any one team, but I was pleased by the whole spectacle of the thing. I did, I admit, have to be reminded (once again by Jeremy) that it was a family event, and I needed to mind my language. I�m not sure when I started cursing like a sailor, but that�s something to keep in mind. You know, for that one person left who hasn�t attended a professional sporting event. Jeremy would also like you to know that you should watch your language at any family-oriented restaurants (anywhere but a bar).

Uh, the spectacle, yeah. Perhaps the best part about attending the game was that it sure made me feel pretty good about myself. There were some really awful fashion choices (coincidentally, I happened to wear a red shirt�lucky it was the only clean color, aside from the usual black), a liberal smattering of patriotic wear, and a particularly horrid clingy dress in a Budweiser print, which made the wearer look like a large can of beer. Fascinating.

We missed the 7th inning singing, which was fine, since we sang plenty on the trip home.

It was a good day, and I had fun. This is valuable.

Today, well, it�s not so easy. All the things I�ve resolved to do this week seem too daunting.

Take me back to the ball game.