I hate eating alone at restaurants. I used to think it was easier at a fast-food place, but as a vegetarian, it�s really not much fun to hang out there. I do have a special fondness for a nearby Wendy�s, where I can go to read over a baked potato and a drink, where I feel rather welcome and can commiserate with the staff when patrons fail to clean up after themselves. But on the whole, it makes me feel conspicuous, lonely and ashamed. As if couples or groups are the only ones who have a right to eat, as if people eating alone have a problem.

I just ate alone at lunch. Maybe it�s this weird mood, brought on by very little sleep (nasty, scary thunderstorms this morning), bad dreams of people best forgotten and the remnants of the aforementioned afternoon of multiple episodes of �Six Feet Under,� but I felt I was being judged.

So really, let�s see. What have you in store for the weekend? No Bears games, no good concerts. I should really find a shirt and shoes to wear with those pants I just might wear to my interview. And a dress for that wedding I have to be in over Labor Day weekend. But I doubt that will happen.

Speaking of the wedding, here�s my dilemma. I�m doing a reading during the ceremony�that verse from the Bible about how woman was created (like the passive structure?) from one of man�s ribs. The whole deal about them being one, which I utterly detest and makes me retch when I hear it. Assuming I can get past this retching thing, I�m uncertain about how to say �God.� Do I capitalize it when I say it? You know, say all the other words normally, but use that funny voice when I come to �God� in the verse. Like preachers do. If I did that, would I seem experienced or merely foolish? Now remember, this is the one where 450 people were invited. That could be a whole lotta feelin� stupid. If your advice is poor, I�ll remember you.

In honor of Elvis Week, I�m signing off early. If you have additional questions, ask the King.