1. Buddy Holly glasses are not sufficient to make you an interesting fellow.

2. If you wear a wife beater in public, I cannot date you. Same rule applies for sweatpants, while we�re talking about it.

3. Unless you�ve run to the show or plan to run home, save the sneakers. They immediately negate any potential coolness garnered by the Buddy Holly glasses. Unless you�re wearing acceptable shoes, I cannot date you.

4. Aren�t Buddy Holly glasses pass�?

5. If you�d rather talk and/or make out, please stay home. Or at least out of my field of vision. I�m actually there to see and hear the band.

6. I have feet. I�d like to keep them in mint condition.

7. If you�re saying something stupid and I overhear it, I�m likely to correct you. If I say something equally vapid, feel free to return the favor.

8. Note to the grad students having pizza outside Jupiter�s last night, particularly the fellow whose mommy made the arrangements for his last apartment, since he was in Germany: No, chocolate martinis *do* actually have chocolate liquor in them. You don�t just toss a bunch of stuff in and get something that magically tastes like chocolate, but isn�t.

9. Note to the theater students sitting outside Caf� Kopi last night: Samuel Beckett wrote �Waiting for Godot,� not Henrik Ibsen. And yes, people can actually read and enjoy Ibsen plays. And clearly you�ve missed the point of �Waiting for Godot.� I am not a theater student. Thanks to the other girl sitting outside for sharing the hilarity of the moment with me. At first I thought it was a dream.

10. Note to campus businesses: I�d be more likely to hang out down there in the summer and help your businesses if I didn�t have to feed meters until 9 pm.

11. I was a Wilco nerd last night. I will try to remember to not refer to them by their first names only, as if we were close pals, particularly to newbies. I will also quit lamenting the loss of Lounge Ax in Chicago. I will continue to refer to the mary janes by their first names.

12. Please don�t wear socks with your sandals. If you need socks, a closed shoe is appropriate.

13. I am glad I am curvy.

14. I hate rejection letters. Yeah, I�d reached the ripe old age of 26 without ever being rejected for a job for which I interviewed. Until now. My feelings are hurt.

15. I am grateful you�ve listened to my rant. Proceed with a good day, please.